for all the young dudes

When I was younger than I am now the life was easier than now, all the free time I got in that time was to share with my friends, on those times we could walk in the middle of the night without a worry or danger, me and my friends used to carry only a few money with us and on those times all the gadgets we carry on our pockets were just an utopia.

I was not that fat on those days, I enjoyed a lot to walk (still) and I did it a lot for two reasons: pleasure and need. Now I can’t do that and not too often as I wish, now on these days I have begin to walk on a different scenario: a gym, due to the security problems and my sedentary jobs I’ve gained a lot of kilograms, then I need to get in shape again as in the past, I ride a MTB but as I mention before it is a bit complicated to ride at night safely here.

I don’t know why life is so complicated or even worst, when we lose our steps, when we lose our goals, why we change all the things we dreamed in the past in order to live better?  If such thing is live better!

On my youth I decided to be different of those that always were following new trends, to follow my own path, made myself a way in this world, but at the end I am the same as all the people, worried for the money, worried to be on time, worried to do my best, worry for all those things I used to dislike.

Now I got a passport, a wife, an official ID, a lot of gadgets that demands my attention, but when I think about the past I can’t stop thinking that more than win I have lost, I’ve lost a lot of things, a lot of activities, a lot of friends, a lot of my liberty, a lot of my privacy, a lot.

Sometimes when I stop a while on my daily routine, I can hear the boy I used to be, trying to escape from my own, wishing to take just some clothes and runaway as in the past, as when I left my home and my family, with a backpack of dreams and books to read, ….wishing to buy books to read them eat them,….wishing to walk alone in the dark night. On moments like this I feel nostalgia.

And I dream that I am young again, and I am able to do whatever I want again, not just what is required to me for the individual I am now.

On the road again

I’m on the road again, I love to ride my mountain bike (MTB) at least twice a week, close to my house it is a nice park that mother nature provide to us with a wonderful off road track, then in this place you can juice up your MTB, I like it. I’m a very outdoors person, the nature, the challenge of the road, clears your mind, the effort to reach the small crests of the hills are wonderful, not to mention the downhill!
When I ride I just think on how to do it better and faster, I forget about all the other things. iI'm more an
than pro-rider, just for the fun of it.

I do it because I tend to gain weight, due to my sedentary life style. And I dislike the gyms, the loud music, and the sweaty exercise devices are not for me. The road in this season of the year is one of the best to ride in the year all is green and there is no dust, as it is beginning to rain, the air smells wonderful and all is green, PERFECT! It is like return to my childhood when all was perfect, when I used to ride my little bike in the park, without problems to solve or to think about, now when I ride I just put my cell in mute and forget about the world for an hour and a half, it is almost the same as when I read an interesting book, only that in the case of the MTB, I may get in shape.

HISTORIA TRISTE.

Homesick is what this song inspires me. since the first time I listen to it, the bass line, the hard voice and the tough lyrics, made me shake, made me feel as the title says sad, it was released several years ago and I hear it for the very first time when I was traveling around the south about seventeen years ago, while waiting for a bus in a distant point of Chiapas, some exotic folks arrived next to us to do the same and we began to speak, they told us they were from Spain, as we had to wait together we talked about a lot of things, but one remains in my mind Music and books, and they share with us some tapes they were carrying with them from Spain. Into all of those tapes, thanks to them I knew Eskorbuto, and a song that moves deep fibers in my mind at those days,(and still)is the one that I toke the name for this entry. Several years I preserve those tapes with me. And suddenly something happen and I forget myself about that song, for years it remained in my subconscious mind, I think, and one day the bass line hits me in the forehead, reminding me that sick lyrics, the rage, the frustration, the fucked up situation of those far an lost eighties, I grew up.

AS I WENT OUT ONE MORNING..

One day like this several years ago, I leave my parents home after a big discussion about my future, I decided (alone) to follow my will, leaving behind all, with a backpack with two books and a change of clothes, wearing my only shoe pair, (I still got them with me) with 100 bucks on my pocket, with the only conviction of leave that place on that moment, I fly away losing myself in the crowd, just wishing to begin my life (alone) I won't lie, those were hard times, better times. Eating less, traveling more, and working hard living for the day and chasing the dreams I figure those days, a time to remember more than to forget, imprescindible part of my non-formal education was that period of time. That I love so much. sometimes when I look back, I feel homesick for those days. But I lived that in the right time of my life.

the end.

Oh, I miss so much those days of the fall when we were anxious and all excited about the book fair in town, far before of the new fancy FIL , just before it became in the monster it is now, full of wanna be’s or hormone-stink-students, and other strange creatures that you can see there, far away are those days of joy, the ones when you could find rare books, ended editions, and the best: on good prices, now all you see is the novelties in hard covers and in most of the cases expensiver than the regular retail price at your local bookstore, I used to love at first alone, from ten years to now with my wife, but this year is my last, I left behind all my memories of love and fascination og those cult objects that you used to find there, Books, I decide to end my suffering in the place that I used to call: “the real Christmas for me”, I can’t
stand anymore all the crowds that converges in there, just for be seen or to see, I will miss a lot some of the stands, some of them grow as I do all these years, I will miss too some of them that has just left us, giving place to a scary growing “catho” stands, it is going to be hard not to assist, I will miss the cultural concerts in the ex-open inning surface, that every year becomes smaller for the regular people, I will miss the tiny editorials that gives me so many satisfactions with the jewels they put in my hands, but really I can tell

A hazy shade of winter.

when was the last time you walked in the street and stopped to just watch a beautiful flower growing in the sidewalk end, fighting to survive in the concrete?, and do you remember the last time you traveled without your earphones? When was the last time you spent more that an hour reading a book, enjoying by a cup of coffee the words drinking them whit a humming strong beverage? Are those days over for you? Or even worst, you do not know those things, the phrase: -``I have my books surcease of knowledge and sorrow´´- doesn’t sound for you at all? , if you never walk and enjoy the walk do it now, I miss those days when I walked from my work to home, no cell phone no iPod, not gizmos at all to carry (and to worry about) , just a book to read on my free times, making me forget for sometimes the place or the things I was doing before I began to read it.
Now I barely walk and when I do it barely I see a flower in the sidewalk or even a plant. Time, time, time that goes by, now everytime I get from aplace to another I have to carry a cell phone (to stay in touch) but I leave it from time to time to fell the old days when I got no need of one, and I travel with a book as only luggage. It`s okay if yiu don`t like these things but once in your life I recommend you to try one of these things, but if you didn`t try young now you`re done.

I believe in miracles..

I enjoy to read the Sunday newspapers, with a cup of coffee, as early as I can, sited by the window, sometimes with music others just listening the paper moving in my hands, skipping the sports and the shows news, enjoying the extended sections of opinions and some writers that on the Sunday edition figures a column. I can’t remember since when I do this, but I know that while I can I will be doing it. Recently I get more sad when I read the news, I have to admit that now the cultural section is becoming a few small every week in the newspapers I read, and the bad news are growing in quantity, the world is changing, the way we see the things too. I know that the times we are living aren`t the best ones, and I have to admit that sometimes I get sad and scared of the things I read, it will sound kind of stupid but it is true, the ability to read can put you in a bad mood, but when that happens, I get a fantasy book (that I love by the way) and after some pages, I can believe that the world we live in still worth!!