Homesick

It was in one of those days, when while you see very young couples kissing you remind your first kiss, when while you wait for the green light you see a young folk dealing with a big backpack, trying to get in the crowded bus you see yourself some years ago, in the same situation. Coming back from school hungry and tired, praying for get to home and take a shower and a good meal,  one of those days when you want to leave your car and run through the night  and forget about the traffic, and forget about the shoes, and the cell phone, forget about all for a while. To jump into one of those spectaculars full of color and shiny happy people showing us how good is to live or to buy or to drink whatever they are announcing,  escaping from  this reality. Unfortunately that is not possible, perhaps that is why, when I come back from my work to home and I watch the other driver’s faces I see so many different and strange things , same thing must happen to them when they watch  this bald boy singing out loud singing out proud the soundtrack of the moment. Sometimes in Spanish, others in English (mostly I have to admit) I try to compensate the vacuum and the solitude of my car doing this but I never get a positive reaction, don’t ask why.

Tan joven y tan Viejo/cantares.

A few days ago I went to a concert, and while we were waiting to get in the place we were talking about the singers we were about to see on stage, both are pretty old, both are pretty good, I was telling my wife how exited I was for this concert.

The first time I saw Serrrat was when I was fifteen years old, and Sabina I knew his music on my early twenties.

When they began to sing I realized that I am old too, I grew with those songs, they are part of my life’s soundtrack, and perhaps that is why I almost cry when I hear them singing them, most of the audience were seniors and people on their good thirties, they told us that maybe it was the last time we see them alive, and that make me feel bad, but it was really true.

I really liked the way they walked us on that musical trip, with great songs, and splashing them with great stories, ironically after the concert I felt younger, maybe because they remind me some episodes in my life that I really care. A lot of memories came to my mind that night, a lot of bitter ones, some sweet ones, and I reminded the boy I used to be all covered in dreams, covered with my books and my music, starting to forge my future, several years ago.

 on the concert I sang holding my wife’s hand, when I sang them for the first time, I used to be alone, now I got her by my side to sing, to share my music, my books my life, our life.

Sometimes when I can watch a good concert of an artist or band I like, I say: “after this concert I can die in peace” and believe me folks this was one of these….

for all the young dudes

When I was younger than I am now the life was easier than now, all the free time I got in that time was to share with my friends, on those times we could walk in the middle of the night without a worry or danger, me and my friends used to carry only a few money with us and on those times all the gadgets we carry on our pockets were just an utopia.

I was not that fat on those days, I enjoyed a lot to walk (still) and I did it a lot for two reasons: pleasure and need. Now I can’t do that and not too often as I wish, now on these days I have begin to walk on a different scenario: a gym, due to the security problems and my sedentary jobs I’ve gained a lot of kilograms, then I need to get in shape again as in the past, I ride a MTB but as I mention before it is a bit complicated to ride at night safely here.

I don’t know why life is so complicated or even worst, when we lose our steps, when we lose our goals, why we change all the things we dreamed in the past in order to live better?  If such thing is live better!

On my youth I decided to be different of those that always were following new trends, to follow my own path, made myself a way in this world, but at the end I am the same as all the people, worried for the money, worried to be on time, worried to do my best, worry for all those things I used to dislike.

Now I got a passport, a wife, an official ID, a lot of gadgets that demands my attention, but when I think about the past I can’t stop thinking that more than win I have lost, I’ve lost a lot of things, a lot of activities, a lot of friends, a lot of my liberty, a lot of my privacy, a lot.

Sometimes when I stop a while on my daily routine, I can hear the boy I used to be, trying to escape from my own, wishing to take just some clothes and runaway as in the past, as when I left my home and my family, with a backpack of dreams and books to read, ….wishing to buy books to read them eat them,….wishing to walk alone in the dark night. On moments like this I feel nostalgia.

And I dream that I am young again, and I am able to do whatever I want again, not just what is required to me for the individual I am now.

On the road again

I’m on the road again, I love to ride my mountain bike (MTB) at least twice a week, close to my house it is a nice park that mother nature provide to us with a wonderful off road track, then in this place you can juice up your MTB, I like it. I’m a very outdoors person, the nature, the challenge of the road, clears your mind, the effort to reach the small crests of the hills are wonderful, not to mention the downhill!
When I ride I just think on how to do it better and faster, I forget about all the other things. iI'm more an
than pro-rider, just for the fun of it.

I do it because I tend to gain weight, due to my sedentary life style. And I dislike the gyms, the loud music, and the sweaty exercise devices are not for me. The road in this season of the year is one of the best to ride in the year all is green and there is no dust, as it is beginning to rain, the air smells wonderful and all is green, PERFECT! It is like return to my childhood when all was perfect, when I used to ride my little bike in the park, without problems to solve or to think about, now when I ride I just put my cell in mute and forget about the world for an hour and a half, it is almost the same as when I read an interesting book, only that in the case of the MTB, I may get in shape.

HISTORIA TRISTE.

Homesick is what this song inspires me. since the first time I listen to it, the bass line, the hard voice and the tough lyrics, made me shake, made me feel as the title says sad, it was released several years ago and I hear it for the very first time when I was traveling around the south about seventeen years ago, while waiting for a bus in a distant point of Chiapas, some exotic folks arrived next to us to do the same and we began to speak, they told us they were from Spain, as we had to wait together we talked about a lot of things, but one remains in my mind Music and books, and they share with us some tapes they were carrying with them from Spain. Into all of those tapes, thanks to them I knew Eskorbuto, and a song that moves deep fibers in my mind at those days,(and still)is the one that I toke the name for this entry. Several years I preserve those tapes with me. And suddenly something happen and I forget myself about that song, for years it remained in my subconscious mind, I think, and one day the bass line hits me in the forehead, reminding me that sick lyrics, the rage, the frustration, the fucked up situation of those far an lost eighties, I grew up.

AS I WENT OUT ONE MORNING..

One day like this several years ago, I leave my parents home after a big discussion about my future, I decided (alone) to follow my will, leaving behind all, with a backpack with two books and a change of clothes, wearing my only shoe pair, (I still got them with me) with 100 bucks on my pocket, with the only conviction of leave that place on that moment, I fly away losing myself in the crowd, just wishing to begin my life (alone) I won't lie, those were hard times, better times. Eating less, traveling more, and working hard living for the day and chasing the dreams I figure those days, a time to remember more than to forget, imprescindible part of my non-formal education was that period of time. That I love so much. sometimes when I look back, I feel homesick for those days. But I lived that in the right time of my life.