Dream Catcher

“I am an old soul trapped in a young body”, said a friend of mine years ago while we were enjoying a coffee,  and talking about everything and nothing at the same time, as we usually did ever we meet, it was one rainy evening, and we were in my favorite coffee shop on that days, now it is a karaoke bar, and when I pass through that place (as today) I remember that day with a bit of nostalgia, I can´t remember if it was the last time I saw this friend of mine, he was eager to know, eager to travel, eager to eat the world, to explore it. And he was about to finish the university as I, she was always talking about study out of the country, leave all this behind, and I was agree with her, we were in the same tune, but the future was waiting us in very different ways, after we finished we barely meet because I began to work and follow my dreams soon as I left my parent’s house, left my city for a time, and my life changed a lot. One night while waiting for my wife I saw this friend of mine, dressed in a coffee shop uniform, and in that moment I realized that her dreams just were faded, for her sad eyes, later she told me that two kids and a divorce aren’t good for dream chasing. “old souls in young bodies are bad combination, folk”

happy times

For a period of time in my life I was able to spent some free time with myself, I was living alone by that time, partially working and I used to take long walks around  some interesting places in my hometown, I love to remember that times, because those were happy times for me,  walking I knew a lot of excellent second half bookstores  where I spent a lot of time looking, searching , and of course buying great books in a great prices, I knew beautiful coffee places  in which I used to drink some cups while reading , watching the people to pass, to walk, dreaming on a better tomorrow, sometimes waiting for a friend,  for my girlfriend, or just spending the evening Walking to my home instead of taking a bus, and arriving happy to put in a good spot on my bookshelf my new treasures.  A collection forged in years, that if you watch it may seem to be poor, but for me every book keeps a good memory of how it came to my place, that is why I call them my treasures  every time I clean, read or just watch them, I remember all the good times I’ve found beneath their pages, all the evenings and the afternoons I’ve spent with them, drinking coffee, shivering in the cold night, dreaming in strange beds, strange places, but finding a book always next to me, to take me, to teach me, to help me, to care me……

Homesick

It was in one of those days, when while you see very young couples kissing you remind your first kiss, when while you wait for the green light you see a young folk dealing with a big backpack, trying to get in the crowded bus you see yourself some years ago, in the same situation. Coming back from school hungry and tired, praying for get to home and take a shower and a good meal,  one of those days when you want to leave your car and run through the night  and forget about the traffic, and forget about the shoes, and the cell phone, forget about all for a while. To jump into one of those spectaculars full of color and shiny happy people showing us how good is to live or to buy or to drink whatever they are announcing,  escaping from  this reality. Unfortunately that is not possible, perhaps that is why, when I come back from my work to home and I watch the other driver’s faces I see so many different and strange things , same thing must happen to them when they watch  this bald boy singing out loud singing out proud the soundtrack of the moment. Sometimes in Spanish, others in English (mostly I have to admit) I try to compensate the vacuum and the solitude of my car doing this but I never get a positive reaction, don’t ask why.

Tan joven y tan Viejo/cantares.

A few days ago I went to a concert, and while we were waiting to get in the place we were talking about the singers we were about to see on stage, both are pretty old, both are pretty good, I was telling my wife how exited I was for this concert.

The first time I saw Serrrat was when I was fifteen years old, and Sabina I knew his music on my early twenties.

When they began to sing I realized that I am old too, I grew with those songs, they are part of my life’s soundtrack, and perhaps that is why I almost cry when I hear them singing them, most of the audience were seniors and people on their good thirties, they told us that maybe it was the last time we see them alive, and that make me feel bad, but it was really true.

I really liked the way they walked us on that musical trip, with great songs, and splashing them with great stories, ironically after the concert I felt younger, maybe because they remind me some episodes in my life that I really care. A lot of memories came to my mind that night, a lot of bitter ones, some sweet ones, and I reminded the boy I used to be all covered in dreams, covered with my books and my music, starting to forge my future, several years ago.

 on the concert I sang holding my wife’s hand, when I sang them for the first time, I used to be alone, now I got her by my side to sing, to share my music, my books my life, our life.

Sometimes when I can watch a good concert of an artist or band I like, I say: “after this concert I can die in peace” and believe me folks this was one of these….

for all the young dudes

When I was younger than I am now the life was easier than now, all the free time I got in that time was to share with my friends, on those times we could walk in the middle of the night without a worry or danger, me and my friends used to carry only a few money with us and on those times all the gadgets we carry on our pockets were just an utopia.

I was not that fat on those days, I enjoyed a lot to walk (still) and I did it a lot for two reasons: pleasure and need. Now I can’t do that and not too often as I wish, now on these days I have begin to walk on a different scenario: a gym, due to the security problems and my sedentary jobs I’ve gained a lot of kilograms, then I need to get in shape again as in the past, I ride a MTB but as I mention before it is a bit complicated to ride at night safely here.

I don’t know why life is so complicated or even worst, when we lose our steps, when we lose our goals, why we change all the things we dreamed in the past in order to live better?  If such thing is live better!

On my youth I decided to be different of those that always were following new trends, to follow my own path, made myself a way in this world, but at the end I am the same as all the people, worried for the money, worried to be on time, worried to do my best, worry for all those things I used to dislike.

Now I got a passport, a wife, an official ID, a lot of gadgets that demands my attention, but when I think about the past I can’t stop thinking that more than win I have lost, I’ve lost a lot of things, a lot of activities, a lot of friends, a lot of my liberty, a lot of my privacy, a lot.

Sometimes when I stop a while on my daily routine, I can hear the boy I used to be, trying to escape from my own, wishing to take just some clothes and runaway as in the past, as when I left my home and my family, with a backpack of dreams and books to read, ….wishing to buy books to read them eat them,….wishing to walk alone in the dark night. On moments like this I feel nostalgia.

And I dream that I am young again, and I am able to do whatever I want again, not just what is required to me for the individual I am now.